


Gabriel and the Dire Duck (Interactive Twinefic)

by Coryphefish



Category: Good Omens (TV), Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Author uses Gabriel as a punching bag, Beautiful cinnamon roll Angel too good for this world too pure, Break glass in case of goose, But I'll keep adding DLC, Crowley gets a wahoo, Flaming swords, GAME NOW HAS A REACHABLE ENDING!, Gabriel is Up To Something, Heavenly coffee, M/M changed to "other" because there's shippiness but A/C aren't men, Now taking suggestions for more goose horribleness!, Other, There are interludes with Ineffable partners because of course there are, Twine, drawing dicks on literally everything, embarassing PowerPoint sound effects, geese have ears, heavenly hoverboards, i will face God and waddle backward into hell, reader encouraged to use Gabriel as a punching bag, stabbing with scissors, step AWAY from the world pls, twinefic, unnecessary Sound of Music fixation, violence to janitorial equipment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-11-28 08:30:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20963537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coryphefish/pseuds/Coryphefish
Summary: It is a lovely morning in Heaven, and you are a horrible goose.No, really, you ARE! What do you want to do first? Ruin someone's PowerPoint presentation? Ambush people? Draw dicks on things? Press Y to honk? Go find the plot? This is an interactive fic!





	1. Prologue - St. James's Park

**Author's Note:**

> Progress won't just be in the form of future chapters. I will also be filling out existing chapters and adding more options. Do you want to ride one of those Heavenly Hoverboards? DLC on the way!!
> 
> Inspired by this comic by moonplata on tumblr:  
https://moonplata.tumblr.com/post/188111235369/oh-no
> 
> Twine is a free and open-source tool created by Chris Klimas for making interactive fiction in the form of web pages. I first heard about it from Patrick Weekes, head writer of Dragon Age, at his 2015 DragonCon panels. (Yes panels plural. People kept asking him how to Bioware, and he kept saying Twine!)

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

The being in the black coat was different.  
They were not scared of you.  
They did not attack you.  
Also their foot-clothes were snakes.  
But this did not seem to matter.  
They appreciated you.  
They helped you cause mayhem.  
Even after you ran off with their ice cream.  
Even after you chased their mate around a park bench.

One day, you swiped too many items to carry.  
You had to abandon some of them.  
Today, the being in the black coat is at the park again.  
They've brought all your lost mischief back!

You pick up a soggy tabloid.

You immediately find a fancy being to chase.  
They have many gleaming pebbles around their neck.  
You honk wildly.  
You brandish the soggy tabloid.  
You charge.  
They clutch at their pebbles.  
They make anger noises.  
They RUN at you.  
But a clever snake foot makes them trip.  
They fall on their face.  
Pebbles skitter and bounce across the ground.  
The noise is like music.

You honk in delight!

Another being makes anger noises.  
Their dog's anger noises are louder.  
They unlatch the dog rope.  
The dog runs at you.  
You drop the soggy tabloid.  
You run.  
You almost collide with the snake feet.  
There is distant quakcing and a splash.  
The dog has run into the pond instead.  
The angry being runs after the dog.

The being in the black coat crouches down.  
They appear to be addressing you.  
They have no eyes.  
Only two shaded mirrors.  
You stare into your own face twice.  
The being continues to address you.  
The noises aren't angry.  
The noises are kind.  
And tempting even.  
Instinct tells you that a great quantity of uncaused mayhem is very near.

You honk at them.

The being opens a shipping box.  
Their hand invites you to climb inside.

You waddle into the box.


	2. Interlude, 2010

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

_"This place could realy use a gardner," Aziraphale muttered._

_"Mph." Crowley spat out a leaf, adjusted his stance on Aziraphale's shoulders, carefully drew himself to his full height, and peeked through the window. "...And a nanny. Kid's painting an entire masterpiece on that antique sideboard, and nobody's noticed yet."_

_ "Shouldn't be a problem to...requisition the proper disguises."_

_"And they'll wot? SHIP it to you?"_

_"Of course. Heaven prides itself on our rigorous postal contractors."_

_"Lucky." Crowley was watching Warlock gnaw on the dog's tail, trying to figure out if it was out of affection or malice. "My lot hasn't had a proper delivery service since the fourteenth century."_


	3. Chapter 1: Grand Entrance

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

Time passes.  
Incomprehensible feelings and smells surround you.  
Then...light.  
The holes in the box are small, but you can see clearly.  
More time passes.  
Footsteps approach.  
The beings say cautious noises.  
You crouch. Coil.  
This is the mayhem you were waiting for.  
The box opens.

You don't honk.  
You hONK!  
The light is immense and everywhere.  
It makes noises brighter.  
You hONK! again.  
The beings who have opened the box are startled.  
You see several other beings in the background.  
They have not seen you yet.

The beings allow you to waddle past.  
They chuckle disdainful noises.  
The short one says noises into a hand-screen.  
His teeth shine like knives.  
The distant ones haven't seen you yet.  
You select your target.  
They are walking away from you.  
Their coat is soft gray.  
They are wearing an extremely yankable scarf.  
They are carrying an entire tray of beverages in warm-cups.

The Gray One approaches a long table.  
And so do you.  
The Gray One still hasn't noticed you.  
Beings are gathered around it, looking at a screen.  
The screen is a maze of color and writing.  
A frilly being presses a clicker.  
The bells chime again as everything on the screen shrinks and bounces away to reveal more colors and more writing.

You leap and beat your wings in the face of the Gray One.  
This does not make them spill the beverages.  
You grab their scarf in your beak.  
You pull as they aim their kick.  
This DOES make them spill the beverages.  
Dark stains soak their soft gray coat.  
All the beings are shouting noises of anger.  
You run!


	4. Chapter 2: The Crossroads

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

You round a corner.  
And see a DOOR.  
It gleams brighter than the most brilliant sunset you've ever seen.  
The complexity of shapes and texture make your head spin.  
This is the mayhem you sensed.  
It must be.  
But no way in.  
No more time to admire.  
The beings are close.  
They will catch you soon.  
The only thing within reach is a mop bucket.

Grabbing the mop in your beak, you pull the bucket over.  
Then you keep running.  
The scent of inedible liquids fills the air.  
The light-beings' mopping water is strong.  
And very slippery apparently.  
You relish the sound of bodies thudding to the floor.  
The scramble of collision.  
You don't look back.

You run toward the most interesting thing in sight.  
It is round.  
You remember the big black and orange sports ball you ran away with once.  
It was so big, you had to nudge it along ahead of you with your head.  
This ball is blue and green and white and immensely bigger.  
The beings erupt with shrill noises of panic.  
Excellent.  
That is definitely the thing to run toward.  
Even if it is too big to run away with.

You hiss a few times to clear your throat, and...  
HONK!  
Puffs of white haze whoosh away.  
Wrinkles of blue flutter and warp.  
Some zipping, floating points of light careen into each other, glow brighter for a moment, and then fade to fast moving dust.  
Before you can feel too satisfied, the the footsteps have almost caught up.

The beings are almost there.  
It's not hard to evade them.  
They're running for the ball.  
They're all very distressed.  
They don't seem interested in you anymore.  
Seeing your chance, you leave.


	5. Chapter 3: The Door

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

You find yourself at the door once more.  
You still have no means to enter.  
A being approaches.  
The frilly one with the clicker!  
Their face radiates anger.  
  
You lock eyes.  
They pull out their hand-screen.  
They say smug noises.  
But you are far more smug.  
The door did lights.  
The lights listened to the hand-screen.  
There's your answer.

You run at them.  
They brandish white wings.  
Unfazed, you brandish your own white wings.  
The flurry of feathers is brief, but decisive.  
The hand screen is yours.  
The door is open.  
You are inside.  
The door rejects the being without a hand screen.  
The door is closed once again.


	6. Interlude, 2017

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

_"YOU have a smartphone?" Crowley's incredulous tone was tempered by warmth and a dumbfounded smile._

_Aziraphale returned the smile, if a bit nervously. "I prefer to consider it as Heaven's smartphone," he explained._

_Crowley's smile only grew, and he shook his head._

_"...I'm really only required to have it with me while I'm reporting to Head Office..." Aziraphale continued when Crowley didn't challenge him. "...I don't even know how to work most of the features properly! I really only ever use it for proximity access authorization! It...it stays in my cubby whenever I'm on Earth and--"_

_Crowley could see he was getting uncomfortable, so he changed the subject. "You have a CUBBY? Do you put your lunch there too?"_

_Aziraphale beamed. "As a matter of fact, yes! I'm not the only angel who occasionally enjoys..."_


	7. Chapter 3: (Continued)

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

The room is dark.  
No...the room is dim.  
After the enveloping brightness everywhere else, your eyes slowly adjust.  
You're in what appears to be a movie theater.  
You waddle down the aisle.  
You reach where the movie would be.  
But there's no movie.  
Just a circle of glowing blue shapes on the floor.  
And a curtain off to the side.

honk...  
The bright loudness to your voice is gone.  
Now you sound smothered and diminished.  
Your eyes have adjusted enough to see a curtain off to the side.

You yank it, and the curtain cascades to the ground.  
You see a tall noise-table.  
Attatched to the top is a noise-recepticle.  
With a few flaps, you've landed on top of the noise-table.

Eagerly, you press the largest button.

Gold instruments descend from the ceiling.  
They honk parade music.  
Amused, you sing along.  
The floor shapes glow brighter.  
A floating face made out of light appears.  
It smiles slightly but is otherwise still.

You speak into the noise recepticle.  
HONKKKK.  
The head-being honks exactly at the same time as you do.  
Their voice drowns out yours.

HONKKKK.  
The door opens.  
Many beings are arriving.  
They surely see you.  
They do not approach.  
They are looking at the head-being in shock.

HONKKKK.  
The beings are very distressed.  
More beings are arriving.  
Some speak angry noises.  
Some have violent arms.  
Some have giant knives that erupt in flame.

HONKKKK.  
Too many beings are arriving.  
The noises are becoming louder.  
Sadness.  
Anger.  
Fear.  
Violence.  
The mass of beings begins to scatter.

HONKKKK.  
Only one being is left besides the giant face.  
The stern gray one.  
Their coat still has faint beverage stains.  
They speak a command noise.

HONKKKK.  
The Gray One walks up to your noise table.  
They speak the command noise again.  
The face-being speaks the noise with them.  
The Gray One is not alarmed by the face being.  
They press a button and the mask of light and sound flickers away.

A bag is thrown over your head.  
Another being has snuck up behind you.


	8. Chapter 4: Fire

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

Time passes.   
The bag comes off.  
You're in a cage now.  
A tower of fire roars in front of you.  
You've seen fire before.  
This one is different.  
You don't quite understand how.

hONK!

A being addresses you.   
It's the Gray One, of course.  
Behind them, you see Frilly One and Knife Teeth.  
Gray one is **still** addressing you.

hONK!

Gray One's noises stumble.  
He stares at you.  
You stare back.  
Gray One starts to make noises again.

hONK!

Gray One's noies trip but then only grow louder and angrier.  
  
hONK hONK hONK hONK HONK HONK HONKHONK!

Gray One has trailed off.  
They breathe loudly at you.  
  
hOnk!

You try to honk again, but the Gray One catches your beak and holds it closed.   
The noises they make are intense, and spoken directly to your face.  
Then they bare their teeth at you.  
With other geese, it means aggression.  
With beings, it means joy.  
With the Grey One...you think it's both.

You make the same expression back.

They throw you in.  
Flames engulf you.  
But you don't burn.  
You are a demon.  
Deep down, this is something you've always known.

You prepare to hONK fIIIIIRE!


	9. Interlude, 1827

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

_"...And in conclusssion," Crowley said with a flourish of arrows on the chalkboard, "after holding up a stagecoach, bribing six ministersss, and circumnavigating the globe to plant occult sigils at key locationsss, I have turned EVERY single goose on the planet...into a demon! Can I hear a Huzzah?" (He winced. That last part was more sarcastic than he'd intended.)_

_"...Huzzah!! Aziraphale sounded puzzled. "Why would you think I wouldn't give you a Huzzah? That whole business with slipping actual demonic lyrics into the performance of Faust was extraordinarily masterful!"_

_Crowley sighed and sank down on the sofa, reaching for the decanter._

_"Oh, not you, Angel, it's my lot. They'd never give me a Huzzah. Never have, never will."_

_Aziraphale reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. He left it there until Crowley turned to look at him._  
_"Huzzah," he said again. Softer and more sincerely._


	10. Chapter 4: Fire (continued)

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version:  
<http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/>

I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!)  
\----------------

The beings clutch at each other and stagger back.  
Mortal peril is in their eyes.  
  
You hONK fIRE again!

You emerge from the demon flames.  
Your hONK sends flames shooting even closer to their heels.  
They trip over each other in their haste to flee.  
Knife Teeth is pushed to the ground.  
You beat your wings and tip over the column.  
It lands dangerously close, and they're almost engulfed.  
They are the last to leave your presence.  
In the distance, several beings stand on wheeled vehicles.

But you simply waddle forth with no objective beyond mayhem.

Perhaps there are still beings that haven't fled from you yet.  
There is a strange singing in the distance.  
You follow the sound of the music.  
It is cheery, but repetitive.  
Seven lines gain steadily in pitch, only for the eighth to send the melody back down to the beginning.  
The specific articulations even sound the same.  
It needs to stop!  
The singing beings haven't seen you yet.  
You approach the box that is making the music.

You pick up the device.  
The music fizzles and corrupts as the device burns.  
You beat your flaming wings and honk.  
You brandish the music at the beings.  
Their voices fizzle and corrupt as they scatter in fright.

You chase the beings all the way back to the others.  
You are mildly disappointed that their voices don't sing a theme song.  
When you return, you spot a cluster of beings conspiring.

With a few firey beats of your wing, you divert them.  
They were standing by a box on the wall.  
It is red with glass in the middle.   
Inside the box is a glass pitcher full of water.  
The water...scares you.  
Instinct tells you this must be destroyed--but cautiously.

You pick up a heavy implement on a chain.

tap  
Tap.  
The glass cracks.  
You focus your efforts and watch the beautiful tendrils of entropy creep outward.  
tap  
tap  
TAP.  
One precise strike, and the pane crumbles at your feet.  
That was the easy part.  
You study the pitcher and CAREFULLLY take it in your feet.  
You don't drop it until you're fairly high in the air.  
A wave of cold air engulfs you when it breaks.  
That was too close.

Beings scatter before you, making distressed noises.  
You have caused delicious mayhem.  
You have defeated the Gray One's mysterious face.  
You have even set several glorious fires.

It's time to find the brown package area and the way home.


	11. Epilogue

The game is hosted here. This link will always take you to the most recent version: http://www.coryphefish.com/twine-fics/gabriel-and-the-dire-duck/ I will also be posting a randomized version of the story for the sake of letting people know when updates are posted and in case anyone wants to just read some goose mayhem without having to keep clicking for it. (Randomized because I don't believe in "canon" story arcs for RPGs. Enjoy your extra helping of mayhem!) ----------------

It is a lovely morning in the park, and you are a horrible goose.   
Snake Feet and their mate bring you the most delicious seeds and greens you've ever tasted.   
Your adventures give you the kind of imposing fearlessness necessary to chase even the fiercest dogs and send them running.   
One day, you even think you spot Gray One.   
They don't meet your gaze. 

Fin   
  
  
  
Note! The game may have a reachable ending, but it is far from done. I will be posting all future chapters in the form of DLC notes. There will be two goals beyond bug fixes and endless tweaking:

(1) Making it less linear overall by adding more opportunities to make meaningful choices  
(2) Implementing suggestions for new kinds of mayhem. Lots of the amazing things were suggested by friends as I was writing this, so if there's something you'd want to do if you were a horrible goose and Crowley set you loose in Heaven, comment, and I'll try to add it in!


End file.
